A spoonful is nice but a bucketful makes you sick

Last week Starbucks thrilled us with a new bit of customer experience. Well new here. You give your name along with your order. They write it on your cup and then, when it’s ready, instead of shouting out your order, they shout out your name. The idea being that customization and personalization will make you feel special, valued, wanted, unique and so on.

I wonder how many wags availed themselves of the opportunity to do a Bart and Lisa calling Mo's Bar? "Dick!" "Fanny!" "Flaps!" Or working in a group: "I." "Pick." "My." "Nose." or "I." "Eat." "Squirrels." Geddit? Of course it works both ways. There have been stories of employees writing naughty things on the cups too. The potential for jolly japes is endless.

Personally I think it's a bit of froth. What exactly is this supposed to do? So you show that your barista has an attention span of more than 30 seconds and that they can write. How does that make me feel special when everyone knows what the game is?

In the coffee shops I frequent they're making my 'thing' as soon as they see me stomping towards the shop. More often than not it's sitting on the counter before I've reached it and they've been doing it for years...without knowing my name. That makes me feel special.

It's a saccharine-coated gimmick straight out of the Have A Nice Day handbook. But they should be careful, because a spoonful is nice but a bucketful makes you sick. It's enough to curdle your organic milk. And now we have Starbucks home coffee machines and energy drinks. But I think that their efforts would be best spent on getting the basics right. Get the product right first, because a Hoover doesn't blow. "It." "Sucks."