Fit for nothing...

How exactly was doing a half-arsed line dance at 33⅓, which used up less energy and effort than donning the required kit keeping me fit? How was pretending to be a puppy-fat laden franchise of Pan’s People to the accompaniment of David Soul and his Silver Lady, or the disco fave de jour Ride a Wild Horse, enabling me in any sense to keep fit? Years before at junior school it was hard to work up a sweat pretending to be a tree in the wind. Or to be exercised (in the intended sense) while prancing around the assembly hall in knickers and vest to the strains of Mars, the Bringer of War, or the latest ditty from the school's copy of the BBC’s School’s Radio LP. At Grammar School I wagged PE for almost three years in sucession – I was famous for it – I hated it with a passion. So it came as no surprise to read that – according to a survey by the Women’s Sport and Fitness Foundation – PE lessons in schools put women (mostly women) off fitness for the rest of their lives. No shit Sherlock! Common reasons and complaints vary from bullying teachers, fear of public failure, cold showers and terrible changing rooms, spark-inducing games kit, pubescent embarrassment and lack of interest in the activities taught. Plus ça change. It seems that everything has moved on except the way we teach PE. Time for the three R’s: Renaming, Reinvention and Repositioning, me thinks. The context for change One of the great ironies of life is that an awful lot of kids who don’t like PE (and those who do) will find themselves voluntarily paying handsomely for gym and health club memberships in the not too distant future. So let’s be direct in the way we talk to them about the reasons why people do that. They want to be fit. They want to get fit. They want to stay fit. They’re training. They want to look good on the beach. They want to find a man / woman. They want to look ‘fit’. Leaving aside the sheer enjoyment of their chosen activity – be that running, rowing or weights – being in shape and therefore being attractive to others is a very big carrot and one that could be used to great effect. Doubtless some will think that this is frivolous and pandering to base instincts. But then truths generally do. So why not explain leg squats in the context of toned ‘swolles’ that look good in heels? Or upper-body workouts that make your halter-neck look ‘banging’. Renaming The names PE and Keep Fit are guaranteed to generate a sweat but for all the wrong reasons. The former is infused with loathing (not for nothing did we christen it Please Excuse) and the latter is misleading since (as this report shows) many are yet to attain a level of fitness that is worth maintaining. It’s all about being fit. So let’s call it that – Be Fit. Be fit literally and colloquially. I like the inherent wordplay opportunities. Reinvention and Repositioning Gyms and Health Clubs are going to feature in the lives of most to some degree, so it makes sense for the service providers to get closer to their prospective clientele. Geography may preclude twice weekly visits as per the curriculum, but weekly or even bi-weekly off-peak visits to a ‘real’ and very different environment and seeing others work-out and, of course, the end product, may engage in a way that the school environment cannot. Even fundamental activities such as running can be transformed by harnessing the big love of their lives: technology. More specifically, their phones and their ‘tunes’. Apps such as Zombies Run make running fun and no less beneficial or intensive because of it. Getting kids to compile their own running / fitness playlists for themselves and others allows a mash-up of subjects such as sports psychology, science and nutrition to be talked about in the context of the soundtracks to their lives. Better to lose a kg in the rave that’s held under the banner of BeFit2 (that’s double games in old money) than have them lose interest all together. Who hasn’t heard Strictly contestants banging on about the fitness and toning properties of dance? Bring the outside in. Teach them how to do Parkour. Do they know how fit you need to be to do that? And an Inter-School Extreme Ironing competition on the fells, or the locks of inner-city canals would demand the same level of fitness as a regular cross-country run. Well more, actually, since they have to lug the accoutrements around. And let's apply a bit of common sense where the timetable is concerned. Kids care about their carefully straightened, gelled, braided and styled hair, so having sweat-inducing lessons midday is guaranteed to encourage truancy. They don't want to get their hair wet. So schedule fitness for the end of the afternoon. They'll come. Every subject taught in school is designed to help us identify what we’re good at – have an aptitude for. I think that PE is supposed to work that way too but it doesn’t. Some have an affinity with or a gift for a particular activity or sport, whether that be football, rugby, netball and so on. But if it isn’t there it shouldn’t be forced. No enjoyment = wasted time and skewed views. Being fit is about movement and kids move an awful lot. All we need to do is change the way we package and sell the theory. I am never going to need to display my ability to vault a wooden horse. It was a futile exercise. But I would have been much more interested if I had been told that it was helping me to be fit and that being fit was going to make me ‘Sick’.